Running might not be for me, and that makes me sad
We’ve just had the London Marathon here in the UK, and I was reminded that seeing people run really inspires me.
It’s the kind of thing which can be done by literally anyone, anywhere, with no equipment save for a comfortable pair of trainers. And there’s something extremely romantic about the idea of doing a bunch of miles first thing in the morning, no matter where you happen to be in the world, Casey Neistat-style.
Every so often, I get sufficiently inspired that I start to do morning runs. I get up, get dressed, and head out pretty much immediately. I’ve been able to keep this going for at most a few weeks, but I inevitably fall off the wagon. The habit is very fragile; it can easily be interrupted by travel, or simply by me deciding that I don’t feel like it on a particular day.
This just happened again recently, and I’m starting to wonder whether it’s worth continuing to beat this horse. Maybe running just isn’t for me.
I think this makes me sad, because I really want to reach the destination of this journey. I want to feel fitter and more energetic. I want to have exercise be a central part of my daily routine. I want to be able to run a few miles, every day, anywhere. I want to be a runner.
The problem is that the journey is not sufficiently compelling for me. And no matter how desirable the destination is, you’ll never do the work to get there if you’re not motivated by the work itself.
I actually don’t enjoy running. I always feel groggy and terrible first thing in the morning, and it takes huge mental effort to even talk myself into doing it. Then I do it, and I run for less than 15 minutes before I’ve had enough.
Couple that with the weather where I live: more often than not it’s really cold outside in the morning. And it rains sometimes.
All this — the fact that I find it hard to start, I’m not very good at it, and it’s overall an unpleasant experience — is frankly enough to make me wonder why I bother. Unlike Odysseus, I don’t care enough about the destination to endure the journey.
“But Peter,” I hear you say. “Can’t you just run at a different time of day when you feel more up to it and the weather is better?” Sure. But then I have to take time out of my day to do that, and I’ve got enough on. Plus, I’m a morning shower person, but I have to shower after a run, so now do I shower twice a day? Or do I stop showering in the morning and feel gross? Trust me, dearest gentle reader, I have (over)thought this through.
The thing is, I do need to do more cardio. I’m aware of the benefits. But I need to do something that works for me. I just don’t know what that is yet.